My sweet little sister - probably under two years old
Monday, October 8, 2007
Infatuation
He turns toward me as I enter the room
Hair tousled from a night's sleep
Shadows of morning fall across his sweet, handsome face
The sight of his flannel shirt warms me like a blanket
I am reserved, yet my entire being is filled with unexpected affection
He is a stranger - but like an old friend - I know this man's soul
I remain shaken by the searing force of my emotions
The intensity of my feelings grip me captive in a child like stance
My desires are revealed in spite of my protest
But will now be locked in a vault for safekeeping
The unknown exhilarates me, his affection for another pains me
Enriched by his friendship and resolute in my quest for love
Hair tousled from a night's sleep
Shadows of morning fall across his sweet, handsome face
The sight of his flannel shirt warms me like a blanket
I am reserved, yet my entire being is filled with unexpected affection
He is a stranger - but like an old friend - I know this man's soul
I remain shaken by the searing force of my emotions
The intensity of my feelings grip me captive in a child like stance
My desires are revealed in spite of my protest
But will now be locked in a vault for safekeeping
The unknown exhilarates me, his affection for another pains me
Enriched by his friendship and resolute in my quest for love
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Ellen's 50th Birthday
Family celebration for my 50th birthday withJack, Gary, Bari, Blake, Aaron, Nicky, Mom and Martin
Holtzman Family
Uncle Jerry, Grandpa Joe, Dad
Taken May 1942 in the Bronx
Possibly on Walton Avenue where they lived
Mom and Dad's wedding photo
Grandma Barbara's first wedding. Her father - grandpa Eddie is off to her left.
Grandma Lena and Grandpa Joe
From left to right:Grandpa Joe, Grandma Lena, friend, Uncle Murray and his wife.
Uncle Murray was Grandma Lena's brother - her only sibling.
Sunset in Maui
From the balcony of our hotel room on Maui in February 2007.Family trip with Jack, Ellen, Aaron, Sam, Blake, Mal and Steph
Aaron's 22nd Birthday
The motley crew at Grandma Barbara and Grandpa Martin's house in Encino
Nicky, Sean, Aaron, Aunt Bari, Blake and Kevin
A Bit of Melancholy
A Bit of Melancholy
Why is it that even when things in life are going so well
That we still succumb to periods of melancholy
Brief moments that create an ache in one’s heart
As though there is a serious longing for something missing
To have so much and still want more
Is this a natural phenomenon or a sign
That a key ingredient in one’s life is missing
Something that still must be pursued
I tend to think of melancholy as a reflection on our past
A spark of a memory is lit and burns slowly into our heart
The moment is endearing and we want it to last forever
We cannot go back and revisit except in our mind
Sometimes the melancholy is accompanied by regret
This is probably the most terrible combination of thought
A song on the radio, a gust of wind, a child’s voice
Almost anything can bring our heart to its knees
Again I ask – is this a normal phenomenon?
I cannot imagine that anyone can lead a full life without regret
That there isn’t any one of us that would like to go back
To a moment in time no matter how briefly
The question is how to enjoy the future while savoring the past
How to come to terms with regret and the things for which there is no do over
Perhaps our heart requires these brief interludes of melancholy
In order to enjoy the precious gifts of our future
Why is it that even when things in life are going so well
That we still succumb to periods of melancholy
Brief moments that create an ache in one’s heart
As though there is a serious longing for something missing
To have so much and still want more
Is this a natural phenomenon or a sign
That a key ingredient in one’s life is missing
Something that still must be pursued
I tend to think of melancholy as a reflection on our past
A spark of a memory is lit and burns slowly into our heart
The moment is endearing and we want it to last forever
We cannot go back and revisit except in our mind
Sometimes the melancholy is accompanied by regret
This is probably the most terrible combination of thought
A song on the radio, a gust of wind, a child’s voice
Almost anything can bring our heart to its knees
Again I ask – is this a normal phenomenon?
I cannot imagine that anyone can lead a full life without regret
That there isn’t any one of us that would like to go back
To a moment in time no matter how briefly
The question is how to enjoy the future while savoring the past
How to come to terms with regret and the things for which there is no do over
Perhaps our heart requires these brief interludes of melancholy
In order to enjoy the precious gifts of our future
Being Selfish
Being Selfish
October 29, 2003
Being Selfish weighs heavy on my heart
Creating a momentary state of panic
Threatening to derail me from my life purpose
There is no remorse, only a sense of foreboding
Not so with memories I wish I could recreate
Taking a different path than the one chosen
Regrets are only cause for truthful reflection
That moment and at that time in my life
Being selfish briefly holds my heart hostage
Rapidly it enters my body for the purpose of
Domination, judgment and bellied guilt
A misguided sense of right and wrong
A fierce battle ensues, but there is no contest
Exiting the ring a champion, my heart at peace
There is no celebration, only a containment of anger
Being selfish is my God given right
October 29, 2003
Being Selfish weighs heavy on my heart
Creating a momentary state of panic
Threatening to derail me from my life purpose
There is no remorse, only a sense of foreboding
Not so with memories I wish I could recreate
Taking a different path than the one chosen
Regrets are only cause for truthful reflection
That moment and at that time in my life
Being selfish briefly holds my heart hostage
Rapidly it enters my body for the purpose of
Domination, judgment and bellied guilt
A misguided sense of right and wrong
A fierce battle ensues, but there is no contest
Exiting the ring a champion, my heart at peace
There is no celebration, only a containment of anger
Being selfish is my God given right
Bob Dylan
Every Grain of Sand
In the time of my confession, in the hour of my deepest need
When the pool of tears beneath my feet flood every newborn seed
There's adyin voice within me reaching out somewhere,
Toiling in the danger and in the morals of despair.
Don't have the inclination to look back on any mistake,
Like Cain, I now behold this chain of events that I must break.
In the fury of the moment I can
In the time of my confession, in the hour of my deepest need
When the pool of tears beneath my feet flood every newborn seed
There's adyin voice within me reaching out somewhere,
Toiling in the danger and in the morals of despair.
Don't have the inclination to look back on any mistake,
Like Cain, I now behold this chain of events that I must break.
In the fury of the moment I can
Dreams
Dreams are not about imagination
Yearn for the day that....
Time can fill a yearning or become your worst enemy
A serenity passes over me - I realize it's happiness
Everything is the same today as it was yesterday
I realize I have been the motivator of my success as well as my failure
M's - midpoint, middle aged, menopause, maturity
I finally don't feel as though I'm 16 - but remember it sweetly
I want it all
Each day - a defining moment
Time races ahead
Can't wast precious moments in limbo trying to make your way
out of quicksand
Drowning in fear, uncertainties
Suddenly I am in control
Every so many years I have an epiphany
My life suddenly becomes crystal clear
The in between years are like seeing life through cataracts
Yearn for the day that....
Time can fill a yearning or become your worst enemy
A serenity passes over me - I realize it's happiness
Everything is the same today as it was yesterday
I realize I have been the motivator of my success as well as my failure
M's - midpoint, middle aged, menopause, maturity
I finally don't feel as though I'm 16 - but remember it sweetly
I want it all
Each day - a defining moment
Time races ahead
Can't wast precious moments in limbo trying to make your way
out of quicksand
Drowning in fear, uncertainties
Suddenly I am in control
Every so many years I have an epiphany
My life suddenly becomes crystal clear
The in between years are like seeing life through cataracts
Van Morrison
Meaning of Loneliness
Lost in a strange city
Nowhere to turn
Far cry from the streets that
I came from
It can get lonely
When you're travelling hard
But you can even be lonely
Standing in your own back yard
Nobody knows the existential dread
Of the things that go on inside
Someone else's head
Whether it be trivial
Or something that Dante said
But baby nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
No matter how well you know someone
You can only ever guess
How can you ever really know somebody else?
It takes more than a lifetime
Just to get to know yourself
Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
I have to say a word about solitude
For the soul it sometimes they say can be good
And I'm partial to it myself, well I must confess
Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
Well there's Sartre and Camus, Nietzsche and Hesse
If you dig deep enough
You gonna end up in distress
And no one escapes having to live life under duress
And no one escapes the meaning of loneliness
Well they say keep it simple when it gets to be a mess
And fame and fortune
Never brought anyone happiness
I must be lucky
Some of my friends think that I'm really blessed
Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
Lost in a strange city
Nowhere to turn
Far cry from the streets that
I came from
It can get lonely
When you're travelling hard
But you can even be lonely
Standing in your own back yard
Nobody knows the existential dread
Of the things that go on inside
Someone else's head
Whether it be trivial
Or something that Dante said
But baby nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
No matter how well you know someone
You can only ever guess
How can you ever really know somebody else?
It takes more than a lifetime
Just to get to know yourself
Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
I have to say a word about solitude
For the soul it sometimes they say can be good
And I'm partial to it myself, well I must confess
Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
Well there's Sartre and Camus, Nietzsche and Hesse
If you dig deep enough
You gonna end up in distress
And no one escapes having to live life under duress
And no one escapes the meaning of loneliness
Well they say keep it simple when it gets to be a mess
And fame and fortune
Never brought anyone happiness
I must be lucky
Some of my friends think that I'm really blessed
Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness
Yehuda Amichai
From and What is my Lifespan?
I believe with perfect faith that at this very moment
millions of human beings are standing at crossroads
and intersections, in jungles and deserts,
showing each other where to turn, what the right way is,which direction. They explain exactly where to go,
what is the quickest way to get there, when to stop
and ask again. There, over there. The second
turnoff, not the first, and from there left or right,
near the white house, by the oak tree.
They explain with excited voices, with a wave of the hand
and a nod of the head: There, over there, not that there,
the other there,
as in some ancient rite. This too is a new religion.
I believe with perfect faith that at this very moment.
I believe with perfect faith that at this very moment
millions of human beings are standing at crossroads
and intersections, in jungles and deserts,
showing each other where to turn, what the right way is,which direction. They explain exactly where to go,
what is the quickest way to get there, when to stop
and ask again. There, over there. The second
turnoff, not the first, and from there left or right,
near the white house, by the oak tree.
They explain with excited voices, with a wave of the hand
and a nod of the head: There, over there, not that there,
the other there,
as in some ancient rite. This too is a new religion.
I believe with perfect faith that at this very moment.
Robert Frost
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could.
To where it bent in the undergrowth,
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could.
To where it bent in the undergrowth,
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
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